BDSM relationships are a taboo subject most people turn a blind eye to, believing it to be a depraved sexual gratification that involves whips, ropes, and forced submission.
In fact, a lot of people think that a D/s relationship is another name for an abusive relationship, something that both parties have not agreed to.
But, this is not the case, every scene, action, punishment, or rule is not done without the full consent of both parties.
A Dom/sub relationship is not always like the infamous Fifty Shades of Grey and each relationship will vary and have a different set of rules, likes or dislikes, and foundation relationship.
Not every D/s relationship is inherently physically sexual, they can easily be maintained with the use of your phone.
But, what does a Dom like to hear? What pleases them, and what exactly does this kind of relationship involve? In this article, we are going to find out exactly that.
What Is A Dom/Sub Relationship?
To make this as simple as possible, a Dom takes on the role of a leader, protector, enforcer, or top. While a sub will take on the role of a servant, pleasure giver, or brat.
In essence, there is a clear power difference between the Dom and the sub, and there are different kinds of relationships that fall under the Dom and sub umbrella. For example:
- Owner and Pet
- Daddy and Little
- Master and Slave
- Sadist and Masochist
- Dominant or Submissive
The amount of power a Dom has over a sub will differ depending on what has been agreed, this leading back to the idea that everything that is undergone in this kind of relationship always takes into account what has been consented by both parties.
There are countless different D/s relationships out there, not all of them sexual. It is easiest to split up this explanation into the two roles, Dom and sub.
The Dom can also be referred to as a ‘Top’ and it is their prerogative to have power over their sub. Often a sub addresses their Dom by a title that has been decided beforehand, some examples of such titles might be:
Whatever it may be, this title is often used as a way to hold power over a submissive on a psychological level.
If a D/s relationship is sexual, there are a lot of different ways that they can exercise domination over a submissive partner.
Their scenes might incorporate whipping, bondage, forced chastity, or even humiliation, all of which are used to create a stark difference in role between the Dom and sub.
A sub or bottom is the person in this kind of relationship that relinquishes some or all of their control to the Dom.
The majority of people think that because the submissive has given up their power, they do not have any control over the situation.
This is untrue, in fact, any good D/s relationship will have a set of safe words in place should a scene become too much.
At the end of the day, everything is about consent which, as we have said before, is given by both parties.
What Does Your Dom Want To Hear?
As a submissive, it is important to please your Dom. But how do you know what they want to hear, or what they want from you?
The answer to this can be very complicated, pleasing or not pleasing your Dom can boil down to using the correct title or simply not being the correct partner for you.
In this section of the article, we will be looking to answer those questions, and find out what your Dom wants to hear and what you can do to truly please them.
Sir, Master, or Mistress?
Whichever name you settle on, it is a powerful tool you can use to show your willingness and submissiveness to your Dom. This is a significant part of a D/s relationship, it shows your Dom that you look up to them.
Remember that they get off knowing you are looking to them for guidance, as a protector, as a carer.
So using the name you have chosen, whether that is Sir, Mistress, Master, or whichever other name you have decided on, is definitely something the Dom of a relationship will want to hear.
Using your voice to show your appreciation or to broach a topic that you are unsure of is yet another step you can take to please your Dom.
So, if you are not sure what they want you to do or what is expected of you, ask.
Asking respectfully what you should do in any given situation will show your Dom that you care for them and what they want of you.
Vocalize Your Submission
It is all well and good to use your Doms title and to ask them what is expected when you are confused.
But now you will need to learn how to use your voice to show your appreciation or to ask for something that you want, or that you are ready to serve them.
It can’t make time to grow the confidence to beg for something or to get to the point that you are okay expressing your desire in this way. But, when you do, this is definitely something that your Dom will like to hear.
This one involves learning the quirks, likes, and dislikes of your Dom. By anticipation of their next move without them actually saying anything.
Getting to this point in a relationship is when a Dom/sub relationship truly shines.
Whether you are simply obeying a command like no talking until you have been given permission or you must wait to eat after they are done, using your initiative is a great way to please your Dom and keep them happy.
Learning to anticipate what your Dom wants and feels is no easy thing. It requires learning the intricacies of their mods, habits, and their preferences.
That is why it is important to make sure that you understand how to read the mood of your Dom. Do they want to be alone? Do they want you quiet?
It is up to you to learn how to interact and behave no matter what mood arises. Eventually, though, you will learn what makes your Dom tick and this will become second nature.
You have both agreed to be in this kind of Domination and Submissive relationship, you will have agreed to a set of rules that your Dom has set down for you to follow. By extension, there may be some agreed-upon form of punishment.
Whether it is tickle play, teasing, denial, or impact play, it is important to learn to accept it. Show your Dom that you are remorseful or sorry, let them hear what they are doing to you.
Whether it is pain or pleasure, it is essential to show what you are feeling in response to something like punishment, for example.
Whether you are not in the world of BDSM or a veteran on the lookout for a new partner, it is essential to pick the right Dom. There are predators that pretend to be Doms and if you’re not careful you could really get hurt.
Other than dangerous people in the BDSM universe, there is the question of compatibility.
If you are both not on the same page, you might find it hard to please them. As such, you will need to pick someone that suits your needs and wants the same thing out of a relationship
That is all for this article, there are many complexities that make up the diverse world of BDSM, and not every relationship is the same.
What might work for one Dom and sub relationship may now work for another. All you can do is learn about what you can say or do in order to please your Dom.
Should you ask them about something, or should you simply quietly await your next command? The takeaway from this article should be that you must learn what will please your Dom.
Find out what their quirks or likes and dislikes are and act upon that within the parameters of the relationship you have established.