If you have searched for these words in your browser, or have discovered and clicked on this article, there is a high possibility that you may have heard this phrase in the past while having no idea what it really means.
‘Pillow Princess’. It has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?
The image may conjure up images of Disney princesses in pink dresses, fast asleep in their towers, waiting for their prince to arrive.
Well, there is a good reason for this: Disney’s animated cartoon series, ‘The Little Mermaid’, is said to have popularized the term to some extent.
There is a scene in one episode where Ariel is singing about the fact that she is a ‘pillow princess’ since all she wants to do is simply stay at home all day and lie in bed, while her father, King Triton, works out at sea.
However, the unofficial definition of a ‘Pillow Princess’ is not one describing royalty, certainly not a princess in an animated children’s show.
The meaning behind this phrase is something far from anything that would ever be mentioned in a Disney production.
Due to its connotations to the LGBTQ community, as well as the overall sexual links to the phrase, you may be surprised to discover the true identity of a Pillow Princess.
There are some negative associations to this term, but overall, there is nothing wrong with being part of this unofficially titled sisterhood.
In fact, you may have even met a Pillow Princess in your own time.
You may have met several. Just because you haven’t heard of the expression doesn’t guarantee you haven’t encountered one in the flesh. You may even be one yourself, and you just never knew it.
So, what are we talking about here? What is a Pillow Princess?
Let’s find out.
What Is A Pillow Princess?
The PG definition of a Pillow Princess is a lazy woman who would rather stay at home all day, not having a job, keeping comfy in the confinement of her own company.
The popular definition, however, is the following:
A Pillow Princess is a female that prefers to simply lie down during intercourse, allowing her partner to do all the hard work.
The term is generally aimed towards lesbians or girls who like girls, who would rather their sexual partner performs oral sex on them without having to reciprocate.
In summary, a Pillow Princess loves and enjoys sex, but does not want to do any of the work herself. Another term for a woman who only wants to remain motionless during intercourse is a ‘Starfish’.
Of course, it is not just women who can be a Pillow Princess. There are plenty of men in the world who wish for the same thing: for their partner to take over and do everything for them in the bedroom.
In fact, given that only 21-30% of women reach orgasm during heterosexual intercourse, it may be fair to assume that a vast majority of men do not feel entirely consumed to give their female partner pleasure while having sex.
While it is generally directed at lesbian and bisexual women, the term ‘Pillow Princess’ can technically be given to any person who makes the conscious decision not to pull their weight in the bedroom.
However, the phrase is pretty much only ever designated to females, which feels pretty misogynistic in consideration.
Additionally, there is a long-held misconception within the lesbian community that a Pillow Princess does not enjoy performing sexual acts, including (but not limited to) cunnilingus, on her female partner due to her being unsure of her true sexual orientation and identity.
Some lesbians believe that Pillow Princesses are not entirely gay and that it does not matter to them whether a male or a female is going down on them. This may be the truth: so many people in the world are attracted to both sexes.
The belief itself, however, is highly discriminating, damaging, and biphobic, building onto the belief that someone cannot be sexually attracted to both men and women: they should only be attracted to one gender.
How To Recognize A Pillow Princess
Now that you have learned this definition, it is possible that you may suddenly be realizing that either:
- You are a Pillow Princess.
- You have slept with a Pillow Princess.
Identifying a Pillow Princess is not difficult. If a female refuses to physically engage in sexual acts, only wanting to lie there and reap the benefits, she may be one herself.
There are many signs that your partner, or yourself, may be a Pillow Princess.
She may not communicate much verbally, seeming uninterested in being involved within the process unless she is receiving pleasure.
She may expect you to make all the effort, and not just physically: you will be expected to provide the dirty talk, turning her on, while she does not do the same back for you.
If her favorite position is missionary, there is a good chance that she is a Pillow Princess. Of course, she could just crave intimacy from this position as missionary can be an extremely romantic way to make love, gazing into each other’s eyes and all that gooey business.
However, missionary only requires the female to lie on her back and enjoy the ride (pardon the pun), being the ideal position for a Pillow Princess.
During your first sexual encounter with a Pillow Princess, you may assume that she is just a little bit shy.
Most people get nervous during their first time with a new person, so this won’t come completely out of the blue.
It is when she continues to lie flat on her back, expecting you to pleasure her, that it becomes clear that this is not just a one-off event. Suddenly, you are the sole performer for the remainder of your time together.
What Is So Wrong About Being A Pillow Princess?
Unfortunately, unless you are a natural born ‘giver’, sex with a Pillow Princess is going to get old pretty fast, especially if this person is a long-term sexual partner.
The first couple of times may be pretty good, seeing as you will be incomplete and utter control, and it is great if you are particularly dominant in the bedroom. If anything, some people may find it pretty hot.
However, after a while, you may find that you are not enjoying the sex when you are, seemingly, the only one putting in the effort. Instead of having fun, you may feel like you are providing a personal service to your partner.
For this reason, many people may not want a Pillow Princess for a sexual partner.
As we said, if you prefer being the dominant one in a sexual relationship, this may be the perfect arrangement for you. If not, you may be questioning how this partnership could ever continue.
Are You A Pillow Princess?
If you have read this article up to this point and have realized that you, in fact, are a Pillow Princess, you may be feeling a little disheartened.
No one wants to hear that they are not good in bed. Depending on the sort of person you are, this could be one of the harshest criticisms you could receive.
If you are in a committed relationship and you have never had this conversation with your partner, you may be wondering if they feel frustrated or annoyed with your actions.
There may be some reasoning behind you being a Pillow Princess, and by learning these reasons, you may decide to switch up your effort in the bedroom.
For starters, you may feel nervous to try new activities, therefore you are unsure how to initiate newer, more exciting, and challenging positions with your partner.
It is much easier to lie down and allow your partner to do all the work, but sometimes, it can be equally as fun to take charge.
The most important part of sex, without a doubt, is communication. If your partner is not happy with you not making an effort, they should discuss this issue with you.
If you feel that you are feeling a little anxious about taking charge in bed, you should also bring this up with your partner: they may take the time to make you feel more comfortable. By communicating, you can fix these issues together.
However, if you are a self-proclaimed Pillow Princess and do not wish to change your ways, more power to you!
Everyone has their own sexual preferences, and you should never let anyone shame you for your own.
If you have found a partner (or several partners) who do not find issues with your preferences, there is no reason to worry. You need to do what you need to do.