Trolls are adorable. Filled with self-loathing they can only function when hurling abuse at people behind the veritable safety of their phone. These pitiful individuals are often the kind of person you feel sorry for in real life.

Consistent trolling is mainly fuelled by envy. Sometimes this is jealousy over perceived popularity, success, good looks or generally just being a well-liked, happy person. You shine a light on the darkest parts of the troll’s life. Those bits of themselves they’d rather forget about.

I have a very eye rolling approach to trolls. They really aren’t worth giving a fuck about. So, my policy to dealing with the annoying little bluebottles of social media is IDGAF, to quote the amazing Dua Lipa.

Below are some of my personal favourite whiny bitch troll comments, and why IDGAF.

“I’m disgusted by your dubious sexual morals, you slut!”

Bless your little heart. Here’s the thing. It’s my morally dubious life. My morally dubious vagina and indeed my morally dubious business.

I’m quite sure you’re far from a saint. Or you wouldn’t be up here projecting your own self-loathing onto me. Get some counselling to deal with that shit and stop abusing others to make yourself feel superior. Also, IDGAF.

“You’re hideous and fat! You shouldn’t be stripping off online!”

Ah diddum’s, does my refusal to conform to your view of perfection offend your delicate sensibilities? Stop looking if it worries you that much my little darlings. Should I run and cry, practice some self-flagellation over my love of biscuits? (Ooooh biscuits and whips, what an awesome combo).

I promise you that’s not going to happen. I love how I look. The feedback I get suggests my readers love it too. Why not just stop trawling my TL if it upsets your snowflake-like mentality so much coz guess what… IDGAF.

“You’re a mother!!! You should be ashamed!”

I particularly enjoy this moon bat type troll shrieking. It embodies the “Won’t someone think of the children!!” mentality. Yes, that’s right folks my reproductive system works. Does this mean I have to become some asexual husk of my former self? When reproducing do women give up all rights to their sexuality? Like fuck we do.

My kids are super proud of their sex positive mum. They are being raised in an environment of tolerance and acceptance. I’m choosing to educate them with love, not hate. They are well rounded and fabulous little women, without doubt the very best thing I’ve ever created. As for your opinion on me as a parent, that’s right IDGAF.

“Nobody cares what you’ve done or what you think! Get over yourself!”

If only you could get over me huh? Or maybe under me. I don’t know what floats your boat and honestly, I don’t care. The very fact you’re reading and obsessing on my content and pictures means you very much care. LOL.

My current stats tell me 15K readers accessed my site in the last 90 days. Not to mention all the interaction on my social media. I regularly get messages from people who love reading my posts and often people tell me I’ve helped them in some way. Can you say the same my little bridge dweller? Probably not. Oh, also… IDGAF.

“You’re so old! Pack it in and have some self-respect!”

Christ if I respected myself anymore it would be obscene. My blog is basically one big pat on my own back. Why do you think I don’t like myself? I think I’m great. My age couldn’t be more irrelevant to this.

Women often become more sexual with age. They grow in confidence and self-belief. I know for a fact I have never been happier or more at ease with who I am than right now. I get messages from women of all ages telling me I’ve given them the self confidence to try something new for the first time. Be that a stunning set of lingerie, or to take a sexy selfie to send to their partner. Honestly ask yourself why my age upsets you, coz IDGAF.

“Why do you stick things in your butt! Its revolting!”

Easy answer to this one. Oh baby, it feels sooooooo good. Why don’t you try removing the rod from your arse and seeing if you can enjoy yourself half as much as me. Also, revolting? IDGAF. 😉

“Your family would be disgraced by your behaviour!!”

What is this? Victorian England lol. My family and friends all know about Candy. Do you really think I would be so stupid as to run a site with my picture all over it and then try to keep it a secret? XD

They all fully support me in what I do. They celebrate my successes and even help me out with reviewing and proof reading. I’m super lucky to have the best network of family and friends. Not one of them was slightly surprised when they found out what I do. It’s always been my way. But even if they didn’t approve I would still be doing it. I simply DGAF.

“You make me feel sick!!”

This makes me feel truly powerful. Imagine having the power to turn people’s stomachs. I can give you some advice my little green faced buddies. Block and mute is your friend. You can make sure you never see me or my content again. I simply won’t exist in your online sphere.

It’s so easy I’m wondering why you’ve opted instead to haunt my TL? Are you perhaps a masochist? Do you like inflicting pain on yourself. Check out my site for some awesome toy recommendations to help with this if so! Cos IDGAF.

“I think you’re a danger!!”

Ok, calm down Queen Victoria, quit your hand wringing. The only thing I’m a danger to is your own sense of repression and belief we should all be sheep.

I will continue to live with a carefree attitude and overt sexuality until they pop me into a box. It’s me. I can’t change who I am. I whole heartedly promise you I wouldn’t even if I could. Being me is great. IDGAF about what you think.

“I don’t think Twitter should allow your content”

Oh well. It does. So, dry your eyes mate and use the controls your social media platform provides to stop you seeing content which offends your sensibilities. I’m not going to stop creating content. I’m not going to change, I’m not ashamed. You’re completely irrelevant to me. Betcha you’re reading this huh? Incensed that you can’t break me and make me feel crap. Bless your heart. Get over it, coz I promise IDGAF.

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