Let’s talk about stalking. No this isn’t the usual content of my blog but it’s an important subject. I have been being harassed online since 2014. That’s a long time and writing this I’m stunned when I think about that as a time frame.
Initially I genuinely had no idea who it could be. Little anonymous Twitter accounts appearing trying to spill my personal life into public. I refused to give it the oxygen of my attention. To be perfectly honest with you had I got any idea how frightening the obsession would become I may have gone to police then.
I’ve always accepted that being the person I am I will draw some negative attention as well as positive and name calling, slut shaming, this sort of thing doesn’t bother me. You don’t get to my age without experience of dealing with this sort of thing and I’m a big girl. I don’t expect to be everyone’s cup of tea but I’m upfront and honest about what I am. Often I am in fact my own harshest critic; therefore, other people’s opinions bother me less.
As often is the case time illuminated the source of the harassment. I was surprised to learn it was someone I knew vaguely through Twitter. To this day I genuinely have no idea why my very existence annoys this person so much. There was no incident to spark this as far as I’m aware. Although it is interesting to note the timing coincided with a change in my personal circumstances.
Friends And Family Under Attack
As I studiously tried to ignore the increase in accounts being set up to hassle me things took a more sinister turn. Those closest to me were subjected to threats of violence and had their anonymity ripped away from them.
My other half came under attack; his work details were tweeted in an effort to cause him problems. Twitter acts ludicrously slowly to remove personal information which was been maliciously posted. It’s a process known as Doxing which is illegal and yet social media is lax as fuck to deal with.
The way this stalking manifests itself is sporadic. I’m not arrogant enough to think I’m the only person being harassed by this unwell individual. He literally can’t function without his online control games and I’m just one of many victims.
Reaching a Peak
I stupidly thought things had calmed down at the start of this year. On advice from the police I was avoiding all interaction with the parties involved and things had settled down.
I left work one day and received a call from my ex. “Have you gone back on Facebook?” now my ex knows I’ve had trouble online, he knows that’s why I’d closed my personal FB years before but I wasn’t unduly worried as my FB had reactivated itself a few times annoyingly. I told him I hadn’t and he explained I’d tried to follow him. He said he’d looked at the account and someone was being a funny cunt.
I had no means by which to see this fake FB account and was slightly distressed at this point. He met me as I walked back from work and showed me. I remember the feeling when I realised what they’d done. There were screenshots on this fake FB account with my name and picture on it. They were from dating sites set up using my info and image. The messages exchanged between the fake me and these poor unwitting men were graphic in content. Offering my address to them, saying I met strangers off the net for sex.
Furious and Frustrated
I felt violated and angry. Actually, furious. I spoke to my partner and my closest friends and they helped me contact FB to have the profile removed not before screen shotting everything as evidence. With growing horror that afternoon I realised the extent of the illness of my stalker.
He went on to add my entire family to this fake profile. My sister, my aunts and uncles, my young cousins, my children’s uncles and aunts and most worrying of all teenage relatives including my under-age daughters and their cousins. All these young girls were seeing the graphic cock pictures and descriptions of things men wanted to do to their mum/aunt.
My Amazing Support Network
One by one myself and my ex set about contacting our families to explain the situation. I was stunned at how amazing everyone was. The support was fantastic with jokes like “I was gonna message fake you for a date”. That day I genuinely appreciated my family, both blood and extended, in a way I never thought I would. They made me realise how pathetic it really was.
My family were fantastic and it’s worth noting this came a week after my mum had a skin cancer excision. So, we were dealing with enough if I’m honest. They told me to go to police, enough was enough. My friends and loved ones all felt the same. This was becoming dangerously obsessive.
Asking For Help
I rang the police and if I’m honest at first I wasn’t expecting them to take me seriously. I outlined to the officer what had happened and she was appalled. She honestly couldn’t believe I’d put up with this level of harassment for so long. She asked the last contact I’d had with the party in question and I genuinely couldn’t recall. It had been that long.
She took it all down, I was on the phone for over an hour. I was utterly gobsmacked once I started talking it all just poured out. She assured me this was illegal. There was a case for harassment, impersonation and distribution of indecent images to minors. When the officer visited a week or so later to take our statements I was scared by the police reaction. They were stunned this wasn’t an ex, this wasn’t a spurned lover. They genuinely couldn’t believe someone I’d never even spoken to, let alone met would go to these lengths to try and hurt me. And they were frightened for me. Victim support got in touch. Victim, I sat thinking about that word for ages, I’m a victim.
Haunting My Blog
After I contacted the police things died down again. Until recently when inexplicably it started again. My stalker now haunts my blog, ripping pictures directly from the site to pass to his equally culpable brother who tweets them body shaming or slut shaming me still. Again, I refuse to give them the oxygen of my attention.
I find it hard to comprehend why someone who apparently hates me and finds me unattractive would spend so much time on a blog devoted to me. If I was his partner I’d probably be quite put out by his obsession with another woman. If I hate someone I just stay away from them, I don’t stalk the shit out of them going on three years.
Telling My Kids
Over New Year things peaked again and a threat was made to show my kids my reviews. I woke up New Year’s Day to a friend forwarding the threat to me. I may never have seen it otherwise and couldn’t have acted. My girls are smart and they know I review lingerie anyway, they also know Mum has a spanking paddle hanging off her bedframe. I’m blessed with two of the brightest and most brilliant children I know and so I decided it was time to level with them.
I’m unashamed of my blog. My family and friends all know and support me, even helping me with aspects of it. I walk around with the name of the blog attached to my handbag. I’m not exactly hiding it. My girls took it in their stride. “If it makes you happy Mum fuck em who cares” was my 14 year olds reply.
I’d have done this eventually but when I felt it was right, my hand shouldn’t have been forced. So once again I’m in the position of calling the police only this time I’ve been given plenty of advice on the brand new shiny stalking laws.
Don’t Suffer In Silence
They will be reading this, you just can’t help yourselves, can you? I’m totally unremarkable what the hell is your fascination? You go on about how I think I’m something special well don’t you think your obsession just reinforces this? Do you know the potential consequences legally if you continue with this? Nothing is untraceable.
I made the decision to write this blog, not lightly. I’d rather write about orgasms than this crap but I’m crazy strong and this shit has nearly broken me over the years. It’s made me ill. What if I wasn’t that strong? Stalking doesn’t just happen to celebrities. It doesn’t just happen in real life. Online stalking and harassment statistics grow year on year. It’s sinister and damaging. Imagine devoting your life to trying to make someone else unhappy? How wrong in the head have you got to be to send that crap to somebody’s kids??
If you are yourself suffering harassment, please don’t suffer it silently. Get police and friends involved. Log complaints. Fight back. If you want advice my email is on my blog and I’m more than happy to talk. Don’t let these dicks win. We have a right to live our lives in peace without the genuine fear that stalking brings.