What is perfection? Recently I saw an author on my Twitter TL asking people via a poll if they would rather read about “perfect” or more real life characters. It got me thinking, I think my other half is perfect. I can look at him and feel instantly aroused. To me he couldn’t improve upon his perfection. He tells me he thinks I’m beautiful and I consistently don’t believe this.  Does my lack of self-esteem come from my own life or from media standards?

As much as I’d like to blame the media I do think that we are partially to blame for constantly wanting perfection from our idols. We complain about media body standards and yet any time a female celebrity puts weight on we body shame them to death. Glossy magazines queueing up to put bright red circles around the less than gym standard body parts and splash this across their front page. The same celebrity might go on to lose that weight, horrified at the media response.  The same magazines will then post pictures claiming they look gaunt and ill. They literally can’t win. Meanwhile a vulnerable and impressionable young audience lap this up. Why do we care? Why does someone else’s body shape bother us so much?

I adore various alternative models, partially for their ability to refuse to conform to normal standards of beauty. Recently I was shocked to see Sinderella Rockafella post an Instagram post unedited and unfiltered. It appeared to be in response to some criticism she had received and looking at the picture I couldn’t imagine why she would feel the need to edit it to start with as she is absolutely stunning.  If a woman like her feels the need to filter her pictures what hope does the normal woman have?

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Sinderella Rockafella unedited and still stunning

I recently had a boudoir photo-shoot, this is something I’ve wanted to do for years and as I find myself a year off my 40th birthday I feel like it’s as good a time as any. My daughter’s reactions to this differed wildly. My eldest daughter was utterly horrified. It’s just not acceptable to be mum and pose in your knickers. My youngest daughter surprised me with her maturity, she told me she thought I looked beautiful. I wondered if I would feel nervous beforehand and surprisingly I didn’t. I felt quite confident and sexual posing up for the photographer who was a consummate professional the whole time. When it came to viewing the pictures I was stunned at the images. Was that really me? I struggled to think of the glamourous woman on the screen as myself.

Sinderella Rockerfella edited
Sinderella Rockerfella edited

Do I feel sexy? This is a complicated question as when I’m turned on I definitely do. I know my own power and know that I can render my man speechless, however when I’m not in that mind-set I’m more filled with self-doubt. I see the stretch marks left by two pregnancies. I see the bits of me that need to lose more weight. I see the bits of me that could be more toned. And I feel my age. So is my sense of self-worth linked to my sexuality? Is that my power?

I’ve had a difficult past, relationship-wise, and the damage done has scarred me deep. Why is it that the negative stuff sticks in our head yet the positive we sweep away? I can believe the bad things my ex said about me and yet I can’t believe all the lovely compliments paid to me by my boyfriend. To look at my blog or my twitter account you’d be forgiven for thinking I ooze self-confidence but much of it is bravado and a form of self-defence I’ve built up over time. Candysnatch herself has become almost like an alter ego that deals with the things I can’t. She is by far tougher than me and she has the answers I struggle to find. A therapist would probably have a field day with this but as far as I’m concerned it’s a coping mechanism that works.

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So how do I get past my own mental barriers? I’ve always found bluffing works wonders to bolster my own self confidence. If I’m unsure I fake it and pretty soon my inner diva takes over. After all I really don’t need a thigh gap to be sexy and I know this. Just like you really don’t need big boobs. Or a tight arse. You just need to find what works for you and maximise it and be with someone that loves you for what you are, not what you could be. Perhaps then the key to finding your inner sex goddess is to remember that we are all normal and perfection is in the eye of the beholder. If you’re in a relationship with someone and they are regularly naked with you then the chances are they find you attractive. It really is as simple as that. Confidence is sexy.

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