Regular readers will know I’m a huge fan of the Ersties Podcast. This amazing podcast is run by the same team who run Ersties porn site. This female led podcast covers all kinds of sexual subjects and champions female sexual empowerment. For this reason alone, I love it.

Run by the team of Lina Bembe, Paulita Pappel, Olivia and Pandora the Ersties Podcast always reminds me of the kinds of conversations I hear at industry events such as Eroticon. Frank, open, non-judgemental exchanges between like-minded people.

Sex Party Confessions

Recently the Ersties Podcast went live, recording from a sex party for Episode 8 – Sex Party Confessions. I won’t deny I was mildly amused by the team trying to encourage interaction from a crowd who were clearly reluctant to be recognised via audio.

Sex parties are one of the most common female fantasies. The possibility to explore exhibitionism, voyeurism, multiple partners etc. A great point raised in this episode is that attending a sex party doesn’t mean you have to participate. Its perfectly ok to attend and have a look and see if you are feeling the vibe to test the waters. If it’s not for you then you can just leave.

Preparation is Key

Preparing for a sex party is something people perhaps don’t consider so I found the teams discussion on the messier sides of sex parties funny and relevant. Touching on the hygiene aspects which you don’t often read or hear about. Yet this alone could colour your experience if you weren’t prepared. Sex is messy!

When discussing choosing your dress code the team highlight the importance of checking the dress code before attending, however make sure you stay within your comfort zone when choosing your attire. This is a great point and I wonder how many people realise the importance of this.

Safety and Consent

A reminder to focus on safe sex when attending these parties had me nodding. Taking a small bag with lube, condoms, wipes, toys etc is essential. As the podcasts points out you can’t rely on someone telling you their most recent test was clear.

A hugely crucial factor of sex parties is consent and I’m glad to hear this covered within this episode. As one of the team points out consent can be tricky when you have a dick buffet in your face. Consent awareness teams at large organised sex parties help to make sure everyone is playing safely and respectfully.

Listening to this episode would be a terrific way to prepare for a sex party visit either alone or with a partner or friend. The team covers all aspects including the unsexy parts of sex parties which is something you don’t often hear. Listening to people’s actual experiences is often more educational than scoping out a party website.

Consent; Getting What You Want

Consent is also the subject of Episode 9 – Getting What You Want; Consent, BDSM and Sex Talk. This is almost permanently in the news recently due to the Me-Too campaign online sparked by the Hollywood sexual harassment incidents. This past month has seen the testimony of Dr Blasey Ford in the USA on almost every news broadcast and once against consent is the subject of discussion.

As mentioned in the start of Episode 9 it’s liberating to feel safe in your ability to say no. It allows you to push your own boundaries further. Consent is THE single most important part of your sexual interaction with other people.

Consent From an Early Age

A very interesting point which I’ve never considered is how society can create consent issues in children from an early age. Forcing them to kiss relatives and reinforcing the idea that its feminine to be nice. This was like a lightbulb going on in my brain. I can remember being told to kiss relatives as a child who I barely knew and who made me uncomfortable.

I’ve never come across the Basics of Consent as laid out by Planned Parenthood. Listening to the team discuss this made me go to the site and have a look. I’d love to see this distributed and discussed in schools. Its such an obvious set of rules and yet it’s very much needed to be outlined. I will absolutely be linking this to my teenage children and suggesting that they read it.

  • Freely given. Consenting is a choice you make without pressure, manipulation, or under the influence of drugs or alcohol.
  • Reversible. Anyone can change their mind about what they feel like doing, anytime. Even if you’ve done it before, and even if you’re both naked in bed.
  • Informed. You can only consent to something if you have the full story. For example, if someone says they’ll use a condom and then they don’t, there isn’t full consent.
  • Enthusiastic. When it comes to sex, you should only do stuff you WANT to do, not things that you feel you’re expected to do.
  • Specific. Saying yes to one thing (like going to the bedroom to make out) doesn’t mean you’ve said yes to others (like having sex).

Consent is Liberating

Whilst I’ve seen people saying tackling consent can be thorny once you’ve mastered the ability to reinforce this it frees you to explore your desires. “If you don’t have the space to say no then your sex is never going to be fully fulfilling” this is very true.

When discussing consent contracts, the team state education is more important than written rules. I feel like I’d like to stand up and applaud! There is a woeful lack of sex education in Britain and almost everything young people learn about their own sexual pleasure comes from the internet or friends. Schools need to make educating about sexual consent a priority within PSHE.

Porn and BDSM

Ironically the team discuss how working in porn has helped them define their boundaries and to learn to enforce their own consent issues. This would go against the perceived media view of porn. I wonder if this differs depending on the production company. I’ve read accounts of female adult entertainers who have felt their consent has been violated on set. It was refreshing to hear the flip side of this.

Liliana Velasquez is a former Dominatrix who joins the team for this episode to discuss BDSM elements of consent. Its great to hear the principles of SSC (Safe, Sane Consensual) discussed as well as the difference between specific safe words for degrees of limits. How they can be used as tools within BDSM role play where saying no might only be part of the play.

Dark scenes are often a vital part of BDSM, rape play and forced interaction are cornerstones for certain fantasies. Liliana discusses the importance of knowing someone well before exploring this type of scene.

Visiting a Professional

Liliana also explores the idea of experiencing BDSM with a sex worker for the first time. As she points out, “if you need to go to a dentist you wouldn’t ask your friend to pull your tooth.” Seeing a professional allows you the release of letting go safe in the knowledge they have experience and will respect your boundaries. If you start out with a partner you’re both finding your way together.

Another really huge aspect of consent is consent within relationships. It’s very easy to assume that because you’ve been in a relationship with someone for a long time that consent is implied. It isn’t. Consent is fluid and can be withdrawn at any time. What somebody might be really comfortable with one week might change the next.

In summary

I really enjoyed this episode of the Ersties Podcast and found it raised some interesting questions in my mind about consent, education and indeed my own boundaries.

If you’re looking for a thought-provoking podcast, perhaps to listen to as you commute or at the gym I definitely recommend the Ersties Podcast. Its amusing, educational and empowering in equal measure.

This post was sponsored by Ersties Podcast.

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