Recently I created a bit of a stir on my twitter TL with what I felt was an innocuous comment. Tweeting about how much I dislike the word MILF, I had no idea there were such strong feelings about this word aside from my own.

A MILF, for those not in the know is a Mum I’d Like to Fuck. Originally made popular by the film American Pie it was used by teenage boys talking about their friend’s hot mum. MILF has permeated our culture to such massive levels that it’s used in porn categories and I recently saw a cam girl awards section for Hottest MILF.

MILF is used as a compliment, but I find it far from complimentary. There are many reasons I dislike this phrase and after reading all the various opinions sparked by my tweet I felt the need to write about it.

Motherhood is Not Sexy

Firstly, and possibly my main reason for my anti-MILF stance is that my status as a mother is totally separate in my mind from my sexuality. They couldn’t be further apart in my head. As I said in my tweet it’s great you wanna fuck me, but could we leave my kids out of it?

The very notion of its relevance makes me uneasy. I don’t want someone to want to be balls deep in me simply because my uterus works. If the fact I’m a mother is a turn on then that makes me more than slightly uncomfortable. Motherhood is not sexy. Mainly because it’s not meant to be.

Subtext

Secondly and by no means any less importantly there is a hidden subtext to the word MILF for me. Its saying in a coded way

“Hey well done, I’d still fuck you even though you’re a mum!!”

Awesome, just what I always wanted to hear. I’m gonna file this over here with,

“You look good for a woman your age”

And

“You know you’re still very sexy for an older woman”

Listen folks, such backhanded compliments do not leave me dripping at the gusset and struggling to control my ardour. Am I meant to be grateful? Perhaps I’m being churlish with my refusal to see how lucky I am. Blessed that these prize examples of manhood want to shove their penis inside my childbirth ravaged vagina.

Cultural Downgrading

For me, hidden in the phrase MILF are layers of cultural downgrading of mothers and woman over 30 in general. It’s so unusual and outstanding that you should still be fuckable we will bestow you with a special title. MILF suggests to me that you think I’m past my best, out of my prime. Its patronising and quite honestly fucking annoying.

If you think I’m attractive then tell me that, if you wanna fuck me say that. You’ll get far better responses than telling me you’d like to have a go even though I’ve got kids. To me it’s not at all complimentary and extremely derogatory. It feels like second prize and who the hell wants that?

Even worse for me is the fact that MILF has started to be applied to all women over 30, whether mothers or not. So now it’s an age thing. Oh, that’s even sexier, thanks guys. Now you’re simply telling us we are in an age range of women you wouldn’t usually consider fuckable. Be still my beating heart.

I seem like I’m being harsh, and maybe I am. But I’m incredibly laid back usually. This term just grips my shit and I struggle to understand why people would even think it was a compliment.

Daddy Dom’s

During the many exchanges I had on Twitter over my tweet one theme I heard from a few male followers was,

“Hang on, what about women who call their partners Daddy in a sexual way? Isn’t this the same?”

No. It’s bloody not. As a woman who has indeed had a few “Daddies” in her time I’m being perceived as being hypocritical. This is incorrect. Daddy is a term used by a submissive to refer to her male Dom. It’s an alternative to Master or Sir and is usually used by D/s couples living a “little” lifestyle.

The term Daddy isn’t referring to the male as a parent, it’s a form of raised status or respect. MILF refers to me specifically as a parent. Daddy Dom’s choose this, they like it. It’s a consensual decision between the couple. I don’t like being called a MILF. Applying my motherhood as a frame of reference for my sexuality isn’t something I want.

I noticed looking at my interactions over this issue that there was an obvious gender split. Not one solitary woman suggested she liked the term MILF. Every single one said they found it derogatory or insulting. Some men agreed with my point of view, some argued in it’s favour. However, given that it seems universally hated by the very people it’s meant to compliment perhaps it’s time to retire MILF from our vocabulary.

7 COMMENTS

  1. Love this! It’s so true, it’s seen as a compliment but in fact it’s a strange one. Daddy is definitely a form of respect, but MILF is more like oh I’ll still fuck you even though you’ve got a kid.

  2. I definitely think it’s more of an age thing. Like, you’re old enough to be my mum but I’d still fuck you. Thankfully I haven’t heard the term used since my early twenties. Whatever the meaning behind it, it feels extremely derogatory and is in no way a compliment.
    Aurora x

  3. I am with every point you made about this ridiculous acronym – motherhood is a nurturing experience and I want it as far away from my sex life needs as possible. Great relevant post. Thou I don’t use the name Daddy either – but do see the difference in the term. 😉

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